


Every Boy Needs One

by JinxedAmbitions



Series: Nothing and Almost No One (We haven't Done) [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Dildos, Fluff, M/M, Sex Toys, best intentions, brian kinney gives a shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 06:23:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18132101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: When Emmett inadvertently finds out that Justin doesn't own his very own dildo, he makes it his mission to rectify the situation.  While Brian is trying his hardest to remain distant and unaffected by Justin, he finds that he can't just stand by and let Emmett and Ted purchase Justin's first toy.  It's not a gift...it's simply a tool to help him become the best homosexual he can be.*Takes place sometime during season 1; can stand alone without reading anything else in the series





	Every Boy Needs One

“So I was going through the collection you so kindly returned to me, and there were a few no so little things missing,” Ted said as the gang stood around the pool table.

Brian snorted, having a good idea of where Ted’s toys had scampered off to.  However, instead of commenting, he focused on his next shot.

“Ted, that’s so upsetting.  Who would commit such a crime?” Emmett asked, placing his hand over his mouth.

“What crime?” Justin walked up to the group.  Brian should have known he would be showing up soon.  He’d caught them at Woody’s twice this week so far, and each time it only encouraged him more.  Maybe that had something to do with the fact that Brian had ended up bringing him home at the end of the night both times, but that was beside the point.

“Grand theft dildo,” Brian said sardonically.

Justin wrinkled his nose at that.  “Isn’t that unsanitary?”

“What would you know about it?  You aren’t even old enough to own one,” Michael said.  Clearly, someone was fed up with Justin’s regular visits to their evenings at Woody’s.

“I know that you should never—”

“Don’t get him started, Mikey.  The lad’s a walking public service announcement,” Brian said, sipping his beer.

Thankfully, Justin stopped talking before Brian had to hear some horror story about sharing sextoys.  It was bad enough hearing him talk about the dangers of unprescribed drugs.

“Do you really not own a dildo?” Emmett asked in mock horror, or maybe it was actual horror. Brian didn’t care enough to be sure.

Justin blushed, and Brian would never admit that he found it endearing.  Brian Kinney was endeared to no one.

“Well, he can’t exactly go out and buy one.  The boy doesn’t even have a convincing fake,” Brian said before Justin could respond.

Justin stuck his tongue out.  “I got in here, didn’t I?”

“That isn’t exactly a feat with an ass like yours.”

“Oh honey, we need to fix this.  I’m thinking something colorful. Maybe...” Emmett started, giving Justin a once over, like he could determine the type of dildo Justin would like just by looking at him.  Hell, this was Emmett, so maybe he could.

Brian rolled his eyes as Emmett started to wax poetic about his first dildo.  He tugged Justin over to him and stole a kiss even though Justin seemed completely enthralled with the outrageous story.  

“As thrilling as it is to relive this tender moment with you, I’d like to get to Babylon some time tonight,” Brian said, finishing off his beer as he wrapped his other arm around Justin’s waist.

“It certainly felt tender afterwards,” Emmett said, hamming it up.

“Mikey, are you coming?” Brian asked, stepping away from Justin and dragging Michael toward the exit.  The others fell in step behind them, making their way over to the club.

Michael was in the middle of regaling Brian with his latest date with Doctor David when Brian heard Emmett bring Justin’s lack of sextoys up again.

“Sweetie, do you really not own one?” he asked, sounding like he was trying to be quiet but failing.

Brian covertly glanced back to see Justin shrug.  

“It’s not like I’m having trouble getting laid…”

Both Ted and Emmett made disgusted noises, and Brian couldn’t really hide his own snort of derision.  

“Honey, don’t get me wrong, sex is amazing, but sometimes you just want a little _you_ time…” Emmett started.

“With the old twelve inch monster cock your best friends got you for your birthday,” Ted finished for him.

Justin’s laugh was bubbly as he practically bounced beside the two queens.  “Isn’t 12 inches...doesn’t it hurt?”

“Honey, we _need_ to get you a dildo.  What do you want? Bright colors? realistic veins?”

“Horse cock? Double-ended cock?” Ted asked.

“Stop terrorizing the poor lad,” Brian called over his shoulder.  He wasn’t sure why their suggestions rubbed him the wrong way. It wasn’t like it mattered to Brian what Justin shoved up his tight ass.  

It was just that while Brian owned plenty of ridiculously large toys, Justin wasn’t almost thirty and completely jaded yet.  Brian would never tell him he shouldn’t be going out and getting laid, but Justin probably did not need a twelve inch dildo. In fact, he probably didn’t even need a nine inch one.  If Justin wanted one, that was one thing, but he didn’t need anyone telling him how he should be fucking himself.

“We aren’t terrorizing.  We’re educating. Something he’d never get hanging around the likes of you,” Emmett retorted.

Brian quirked an eyebrow at him, coming to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  

“Let’s just go,” Michael said, tugging Brian along before he could make an ass of himself.  

It wasn’t like it was Brian’s responsibility to educate Justin.  Wasn’t it enough that he deflowered him? Now, he had to teach him all of the intricacies of being gay too?  He was seventeen. He should know what a damn dildo was, and if he really wanted one he could absolutely find a way of getting one.  

Once they arrived at Babylon, Brian took to his usual routine.  Justin seemed content to hang out with the gang while he tricked, and Brian tried not to think about what nonsense Emmett was putting in the boy’s head.  

After his second trick of the night, Brian made his was back to his friends, not the least bit surprised to find Justin still speaking to Emmett.  

“Isn’t it past your bedtime? It is a school night after all,” Brian asked, wrapping his arms around Justin’s shoulders and holding him close.

“I’d rather dance...and fuck,” Justin said, turning in his arms and grinding against Brian.

Brian rolled his eyes.  Then he stood back and motioned to the dancefloor.  Justin looked taken aback at Brian’s invitation, but he quickly recovered, leading the way onto the dancefloor.  Brian followed him, ignoring the comments from his friends.

The kid wanted to dance, and Brian hadn’t done much dancing all night.  Not to mention, Justin was a great dancer.

Justin smiled brightly as he ground their hips together.  Brian hated how infectious that smile was because smiling at the twink could only damage his reputation.  However, he was powerless when Justin smiled up at him happy and breathless.

“What sort of nonsense was Emmett filling your head with?” Brian asked after they’d been dancing a while.  

“What does it matter to you?” Justin fired right back, turning so he could press his ass into Brian’s groin.  The kid certainly didn’t play fair.

“Consider me curious what the queen thinks is vital information for a young twink.”  Brian wrapped his arms around Justin’s waist and ground against his ass roughly, soaking up the way Justin gasped.

“We talked about school and SATs.”

“What is Babylon coming to if you’re talking SATs instead of tricks?”

Justin didn’t reply, but he turned his head to kiss Brian soundly.  Brian knew when he was being asked to shut up, and for once he acquiesced. 

Brian enjoyed the way Justin danced with him.  Despite how arousing it could be, there was something so innocent about how happy Justin was when he danced.  He wasn’t trying to seduce—at least not when Brian was giving him the attention he wanted. Instead, he danced because it clearly made him happy.  

“Did you settle on what sort of dildo you wanted?” Brian asked as they finally made their way back to the bar for a drink.  

Justin smiled like the cat that caught the canary as he bounced beside Brian.  “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he teased.

“Not particularly.  I’m just curious about what ridiculous item Emmett talked you into.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.  Maybe I’ll even let you use it on me,” Justin said, stopping at the bar and waiting expectantly for Brian to buy him a drink.  

Brian didn’t like being toyed with, and so he ordered himself a whiskey and a water for Justin.

Justin frowned as he handed it over to him.  “Maybe that will teach you not to get smart with the man buying your drinks,” he said, finishing his own drink in a gulp and making eye contact with a man across the bar.  

Brian made his way over to his next conquest, pushing talk of dildos and SATs and tempting twinks out of his mind.  

* * *

Brian was preoccupied with work when he walked into the diner the next day for lunch with the guys.  He’d had a long morning, and it was shaping up to be an equally long and tedious afternoon. So, he wasn’t really paying attention to much, other than to his desperate need of coffee, as he slipped into the booth beside Michael.

“Deb, can I get some coffee,” he called across the diner as the guys continued on with their conversation like he wasn’t even there.

“...was thinking this one might be good,” Emmett said, holding out some magazine for the others to look at.

Brian frowned as he tried to read the cover but didn’t recognize it as one of their usual rags.

“I like this one,” Ted said, pointing to something on the page.

“Would you two stop?  This is definitely corruption of a minor,” Michael said, taking a sip of his soda.  

“You can’t corrupt something that’s already been corrupted, and trust me nothing has a more corrupting influence than Mr. Kinney over there,” Emmett said.

“What are you two doing anyway?” Brian asked, grabbing the magazine out of Ted’s hands and looking at it.  It wasn’t a magazine though. It was a catalog of sex toys.

“We were just doing a little shopping…” Emmett said innocently.

“A little shopping?  This wouldn’t happen to be shopping for a little blond twink that follows me around like a duckling, would it?” Brian asked.

“And if it was?”

Brian rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “And what exactly were you considering?”

The entire page was covered in dildos that even Brian would hesitate before using.  Not a single one of them was less than ten inches, and the diameter on some of them was truly impressive.  

“Well, I prefer this one, but Teddy thought this might be nice,” Emmett said, pointing to two of the largest toys on the page.  Not only were they large, but also obnoxiously colored and unnaturally veined.

“Is that even supposed to resemble a human cock?” Brian asked squinting at Ted’s pick.

Brian’s brain did him the disservice of supplying an image of Justin their first time together.  Brian couldn’t remember much of that night, but he remembered pushing into Justin for the first time and how his eyes squeezed shut and he gritted his teeth.  He’d taken it like a champ, but Brian had seen first hand how it hurt him and how afraid he was in that moment that he’d gotten himself into something he couldn’t handle.

“And what exactly do you want him to do with these?  Beat someone to death with them?” Brian asked, suddenly quite sure that he did not want Justin receiving one of these things before he had the common sense to know what to do with it.  Justin was smart, but he was still figuring this part of himself out, and he was still a horny teenager. Giving him a weapon like these was just asking for trouble. It was like handing a soldier a bazooka before teaching him how to properly use his handgun.  Things were likely to get messy fast.

Since when did Brian Kinney give a shit?  Brian cursed to himself as he had that thought, and suddenly he needed to get some work done at the office.

Brian handed the catalog back to Emmett and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked as Debbie finally brought over a cup of coffee.  

“Just remembered I have a meeting in thirty minutes, and I don’t have time to sit and chat,” Brian said, taking the cup of coffee out of Debbie’s hands and drinking it down.  He handed her a five and walked out.

Brian didn’t have a meeting, and he didn’t go straight to the office.  Instead, he made his way down Liberty Ave. to the sex shop he most often frequented.  Brian wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he went inside and went straight to the dildo selection.

Brian owned enough sex toys to supply this whole shop, but it had been years since he’d looked for something that could be considered practical.  So, he studied the selection carefully, weeding out the things that were out of the question as well as the ones that weren’t worth bothering with.  

“Need some assistance?” the cashier asked, coming up to Brian as he assessed the difference in weight of two similar dildos.

“Just browsing,” Brian said, not even looking up from the labels he was reading.  

“Perhaps you’d like a demonstration,” the clerk said, clearly going for seductive.

Brian glanced up at the man who was perhaps a few years younger than himself.  He smirked as he picked up a few options and dragged the man into the employees only section of the store.

When all was said and done, the clerk wobbled over to the cash register and rung up Brian’s purchase.  Brian looked down at the black bag concealing the brand new toy as he walked out of the store. He fought the urge to throw the thing out and leave Justin to Ted and Emmett’s mercy.  He ended up keeping it though, sliding it under the seat in the Jeep until he saw Justin again.

It was strange that he actually looked forward to seeing him again despite his no repeats policy.  Brian tried not to think too deeply about it. Instead, he went back to work and continued his tedious day until it started to become a tedious night.

* * *

“Are you feeling okay?” Justin asked as Brian unlocked the door to the loft.  

“Why wouldn’t I be feeling okay?”  Brian didn’t even glance back at him as he pulled the door open wide.

“It’s just not even midnight, and we’re back at your place.  You haven’t taken any illegal substances. You didn’t even want to go to Babylon,” Justin said, sounding concerned.

“I don’t go to Babylon every night,” Brian said, dragging Justin inside.

“Only because it’s not open every night.”

“How would you know?  Have Emmett and Ted been filling your head with nonsense?” Brian retorted, turning to Justin and pulling him close by his belt loops.

Justin bit his bottom lip, and Brian had a pretty good idea that he was right.

“What else did they tell you?”

“Nothing, Ted mostly talked to me about colleges.”  Justin shrugged, letting Brian pull him toward the bedroom.

“Leave it to Theodore to talk about practical things at Babylon,” Brian said, stopping as the entered his bedroom.  

Justin stopped beside him, tucking himself into Brian’s side, and Brian wrapped his arm around Justin’s shoulders.  “What’s that?” Justin asked, pointing at the box on the bed.

“Why don’t you find out,” Brian suggested.

“It’s for me?”

Brian shrugged, walking over to his closet and beginning to take off his clothes.  He watched Justin from the corner of his eye, curious about what his reaction would be.  

Justin approached the box quickly, picking it up and biting his bottom lip as he pulled the ribbon.  The thick bow came loose, and the ribbon fluttered down to the duvet. Justin didn’t waste any time in pulling the lid off the box, eyes lighting up as he realized what the contents were.

Brian paused in removing his pants as he watched Justin remove the package from the box.  

“Did Emmett and Ted actually get me a dildo?” Justin asked, reading the packaging.  

Brian felt a rush of relief when Justin assumed that the dildo was from Emmett and Ted.  That saved Brian from having to explain himself. Brian just shrugged at Justin and gave him a tight-lipped smile.  

Justin was quiet a moment as he read the box thoroughly, and Brian had to turn away to hide his smile at Justin reading the fine print.  

“I wasn’t expecting it to be so...it’s only seven inches.  It’s not even as big as you are,” Justin said, sounding befuddled.

Brian turned at that, casting his jeans aside and not worrying about folding them neatly.  He wasn’t sure if he should be flattered that Justin was mentioning his size or insulted that he wasn’t happy with the gift.  “Trust me, seven inches of silicon is not the same as this,” Brian said cupping himself through his briefs. “For one, it’s not going to give the way skin does.  And it’s heavier. Take things easy, and get used to that thing before you ask Santa for a fourteen inch dildo that spits fire and terrorizes the townspeople.”

Justin at least laughed at his joke...not that Brian cared.

“Is it really that different?” Justin asked, opening the box and holding the completely reasonably sized dildo up to examine it.  

“Not completely, but trust me, you’ll be happy you aren’t trying to shove an eight inch thick dildo up your ass the first time,” Brian told him, crossing the room to Justin’s side.

“How big was your first dildo?” Justin asked, clearly feeling like everyone thought he couldn’t handle himself.  

“Not the same situation, Sunshine.”

“How so?”

Damn Justin’s curiosity.

“I didn’t buy my first one until I was in college...I actually bought it with Lindsay,” Brian admitted, sitting down on the bed and looking up at Justin.

“ _You_ didn’t have one until college.”  The disbelief in his voice was palpable.

Brian laughed, shaking his head.  “I wasn’t exactly desperate for partners, and if I didn’t have a partner I took care of things myself.”

“But...but…”

“What?  You thought Brian Kinney came out of the womb wielding a twelve inch rubber cock?”

“No, I guess I just figured that you would’ve...Emmett had one.”

Brian smiled, pulling Justin down into his lap.  “I didn’t have money for toys until I had a job, Sunshine.  And if I did have the money, I would have spent it on alcohol or drugs.”

Justin nodded, seemingly deep in thought. “So, how big was your first?”

“It was completely ridiculous,” Brian said, kissing along Justin’s neck.  “Lindsay picked it out, and it might have even given Melanie’s dick a run for its money.”

Justin laughed, beginning to kiss Brian back as well.  “Will you show me how to use it?”

“I think you already know how to use it.”

“ _Please_.”

Brian let out an exaggerated sigh, but he quickly rolled Justin underneath him and began to strip him of his clothing.  At least if he was performing a demonstration, perhaps Justin wouldn’t ask any hard to answer questions.

* * *

“Justin, we’re so glad you’re here,” Emmett said, coming into Woody’s a couple days later.  Brian was sitting at the bar, and Justin was once again close by. Brian barely paid Emmett any attention until he presented Justin with a very ostentatious gift bag.  Brian cursed under his breath as Justin took it with no small amount of confusion.

“What’s this for?” Justin asked, studying the practically fluorescent design on the bag.

“Well, go ahead and open it,” Emmett said, looking far too excited.  Brian could only imagine what he and Ted had settled on.

Brian turned on his stool and watched over Justin’s shoulder as he pulled out the colorful tissue paper only to reveal a dildo that couldn’t even be contained in the sizable bag.  Just from the head of it, Brian could tell it was multicolored and almost painful to look at. Not to mention the diameter of the thing was something even Brian raised his eyebrows at.

“Wow, it’s really... _big_ ,” Justin said, removing the whole thing from the bag and watching it wobble from its own weight.  “But what—” Brian kicked Justin in the shin as he reached over Justin’s shoulder and grabbed the dildo out of his hand.

“Honeycutt, I’m surprised you were willing to part with such a specimen,” Brian said dramatically, pointing the head of the dildo right at Emmett’s chest and poking him with it.

“Don’t call me Honeycutt, and Justin deserves the best...okay I got one for myself too, but I deserve the best as well,” Emmett admitted, brushing the dildo away from him. They all watched as it wiggled as soon as it wasn’t touching him.

Everyone laughed, and Brian shook his head, pleased that Justin hadn’t spilled the beans about the other dildo.

“Thank you.  You really didn’t have to,” Justin said.  Brian could hear the WASPy manners in his voice, but he could also hear the nerves as Justin took the dildo back and tucked in back into the bag.  Maybe now Justin understood what Brian had tried to tell him about the size of a dildo.

“Come on, Sunshine.  Let’s put that in the Jeep before someone pokes an eye out,” Brian said, wrapping his arm around Justin’s waist and pulling him toward the door.

“That’s not what’s going to get poked,” Ted commented as Brian pulled Justin away.

Brian gave him a dirty look, but he held his tongue until they were outside.  

Justin opened the passenger side of the Jeep and placed the bag inside, staring at the fake cock that was hanging out of the bag.  He looked a little queasy just sizing it up.

“You don’t have to use it.  It’s as as much a gag gift as it is a sex toy.  We’ve all gotten one at some point. Emmett’s...just showing you that he likes you.  Don’t feel like you have to do anything with it,” Brian told him, rubbing Justin’s shoulders.

“Why’d you get me the other one? And why did you let me believe it came from Emmett?” Justin asked, turning in his arms and looking him in the eye.  

Well, it didn’t seem like Justin was going to let him out of this gracefully.  Brian tried to come up with something witty to distance himself, but he was coming up empty.

“I just did.  Don’t look too deeply at it because it isn’t that deep.”

“I think you didn’t want me to feel like I had to use the one they got me because you knew it was going to be _this…_ ” Justin said, pointing to the dildo in question.  “...and you wanted me to have one that frankly didn’t scare the hell out of me.”  

“I think you have a very active imagination.”

“That’s okay.  You don’t have to explain yourself because I already know,” Justin said, leaning in and wrapping his arms around Brian’s waist.

“Oh? And what do you know?” Brian asked, leaning in as well.

“You care,” Justin whispered in his ear before latching his lips around the lobe.  Any ability Brian had of arguing with him was snatched away as Justin sucked on his earlobe.  “You should probably take me back to your place and show me how to use that dildo again. I can’t quite remember that thing you did with your wrist…”

Brian rolled his eyes, but he lifted Justin up and sat him in the passenger seat, shoving the dildo into the foot well in the process.  

“What I should do is drive you home and deliver you right back to your parents, so they can teach you some sense,” Brian grumbled.

“But you won’t.”

“And why wouldn’t I?” Brian asked, walking around the car and sliding into the driver’s seat.

“Because you’d rather fuck me.”

Brian sighed, but he started up the car and put it into gear.

“And despite all protests to the contrary, you look out for me.”  Justin sounded so sure of himself as he said it. He didn’t say Brian loved him.  He didn’t say Brian cared. He said he looked out for him, and Brian supposed he could live with that.  The kid certainly needed someone to look out for him because he was _trouble_ when left to his own devices.  Yeah, Brian supposed he could live with that.


End file.
